PMSinthemorning

Monday, July 6, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Box Office Predictions

Wow, it's been awhile around here, hasn't it? I decided to dust off the ol' dust and finally post something again. After promising to do predictions, like, a month ago, I finally decided to get off my butt and do them. It will be a work in progress as I decide how exactly I want to tackle this.

Let's start this off with a very RopeofSilicon-ish header.

#1 Movie Correctly Predicted 0 Weeks in a Row

#1 -- The Proposal
Ok, I admit, I have no idea what I'm doing. Laremy at Rope, which RopeofSilicon will hereby be known as, says stuff like, "Dollars per theatre." Sounds easy enough, right? So, He's Just not that into You opened at $8,751 per theatre, which would put this movie at $26.7 million, which seems like alot of money for a movie like this. So, my number is a bit lower.
$24.5 million

#2 -- UP
I absolutely LOVE this movie! I've seen it four times in theatres (bye-bye $32, $43 if you include drink and popcorn). I'm really hoping that this can overtake Nemo as Pixars #1 movie, but their quality movies aren't too high on their list anyway (Wall-e, Ratatouille and Up are 6-8, respectively). Anywho, this will probably fall 25%-ish.
$23.2 million

#3 -- The Hangover
Everyone I talk to says that this movie is the second coming of Jesus Christ. I mean, apparently, this movie is SO FUCKING FUNNY! I need to see it but I doubt it is as good as people are saying. I mean, these are the people who think Wedding Crashers, The 40-Year Old Virgin and any Will Farrell movie are funny. But people are idiots today and they will probably come out to see this movie once again.
$23 million

#4 -- Year One
I wonder if people think I am guessing with random numbers or if I actually put thought into this. It's a little bit of both. Like 99/1 guessing to thinking. Umm, I guessed here and put this at $6000 per theatre.
$18.1 million

#5 -- The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
So, Box Office Mojo is a Godsend. I'm thinking this will drop just like the other similar movies did (this includes Deja Vu, Inside Man, The Manchurian Candidate, Man on Fire, and John Q). I'm putting it at a 46% drop and calling it a day.
$13.1 million

OK. For popping my cherry, I am calling it a day. Five times is enough. How about any of our 0 readers? Do you have any predictions? No? Nothing? Fine.... Come back Monday when I review my picks.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Huh.

There was a rumor that somebody around here was going to do box office predictions. Guess not.

Since it's been a week since I've posted, I figured I would randomly mention stuff. First, I found this website. It should be useful in finding future film scores. They're all copyright free, I believe. We've got some listening to do.

Second, did anyone read the SI article about 16-year-old phenom Bryce Harper? No? Well, you can catch up right here. It bothers me that the writer, Tom Verducci, never mentions Harpers' parallels to Josh Hamilton. Hamilton threw 96MPH, hit 550 foot bombs, and had a healthy family life. Then, his family left him alone. Bad shit happened. I guess that would be a pessimistic angle to story about a high school kid, but I don't get how you fail to even mention Hamilton's story.

Third, look! Onion Blossom Pringles!! Woo!! They're deliciously strong. Here's the full breakdown. Also, while looking for that review, I found this website, which describes itself as "The Crunchiest Site on the Interweb." I dig it.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Pixar Profile

On Wednesday, I decided to watch Terminator Salvation instead of Pixar’s Up. I stand by that decision because it would have been the 2D print of Up. I’m not going to see Pixar’s first 3D film through a lesser medium! Although, thus far 3D still seems like an unnecessary gimmick to me. Prove me wrong, Pixar! Plus, Terminator was not terrible. The ending was silly and doesn’t come close to the awesomeness of the first two. That’s irrelevant right now, though. In honor of Pixar’s tenth film, here is how I think the previous nine rank among each other.

9. Cars

Cars is widely regarded as Pixar’s poorest film. I suppose I agree. It has some cool moments and it may be one of their best looking movies, but it doesn’t feel like the kind of groundbreaking stuff we’ve come to expect from the studio. It does look spectacular on Blu-Ray, and the disc (like all Pixar releases) is excellent.

8. Toy Story 2

I struggled with the bottom two. I wasn’t sure how to rank them. I like them, but don’t love them. Ultimately, I ranked Cars last because I fell asleep near the end and had to rewatch the last 20 minutes before returning it to NetFlix. I don’t remember ever seeing Toy Story 2 in its entirety prior to recently. When it was releases in 1999, I’m sure the heart-tugging song near the middle was surprising and effective. Looking back, it’s the same stupid thing that every other animation studio uses nowadays.

7. A Bug’s Life

Or maybe this is regarded as Pixar’s worst – or maybe their most forgotten. A Bug’s Life is a fine movie. It came out about a month after Antz, which I remember preferring back in the day. I slid Antz up my NetFlix queue to find out if my memory has not completely fallen about. We’ll see.

6. Finding Nemo

Finding Nemo is widely regarded as Pixar’s best film (at the very least, by Box Office standards). Again, I don’t love it. I do love under the sea type stuff and it is beautiful looking. Everything is done extraordinarily well. My problem is Ellen DeGeneres. I can’t stand her and she talks nonstop throughout the movie.

5. Toy Story

Toy Story is one those movies that everyone has seen, right? It inarguably changed the film industry. If John Lasseter and Pixar didn’t take the chance on this movie, if Steve Jobs didn’t throw his money in, what kind of kids’ movies would we be seeing? Jumanji 5 (I realize we just got Jumanji: In Space)? Re-Releases of Disney classics? Free Willy 8: School’s In? Actually, I think I would pay to see all of these over Madagascar 2. Damn you, Toy Story! It is a pretty solid movie.

4. Monsters, Inc.

I remember being home on lazy Saturday night a couple of years ago. I stumbled upon Monsters, Inc. on the Disney Channel. I threw the remote to the ground with the intention of falling asleep to the kids’ movie I knew very little about. Something crazy happened, Monster, Inc. gained my attention. It was original and entertaining. I put it among my favorite movies and most desired DVDs. I rented it from NetFlix a couple months ago. Unfortunately, it didn’t live up to that original viewing, but still is totally different than anything that has come out since.

3. Wall·E

I try to talk Wall·E down a lot and I’m not sure why. There’s a lot of eye candy and it is a fairly bleak look at the future of humanity. And sometimes I worry that it doesn’t effectively reach its target audience: kids. All that said, Wall·E is a wonderful piece of cinema. Also, the two disc DVD and the Blu-Ray include the informative documentary about the history of Pixar, The Pixar Story.

2. The Incredibles

Brad Bird! Woo! I think Bird is one of the ten best directors in the world today (a list I’ve never really written, so that statement could be retarded). If The Iron Giant had been a Pixar movie, it would have been in the top three as well. It works as a kids’ movie and a big-budget summer blockbuster.

1. Ratatouille

I love Ratatouille. It’s probably one of my 20 favorite movies ever. I love it so much that I don’t have to look up the spelling every time I type it. It’s a simple story, but it’s told so phenomenally well by Brad Bird, his animators, and his cast.

So, where will Up rank? Is 3D still stupid? Reviews, as always for Pixar, are fantastic. I won’t have an opinion until Tuesday!

(Noteworthy Note: I realized during this that I write like I’m trying to write intelligently. “You know what this sentence needs? Another prepositional phrase! How about another adverb? Hell yeah!”)

Dissecting Space Jam: Important

(Why yes. That is a Pulp Fiction reference. And, yes, Dick Dale's "Misirlou" did briefly play. Thanks for asking!) I watched Space Jam earlier today (I also watched Broken Flowers and The Descent. Both exceeded my expectations. The latter is forcing me to sleep with my lights on tonight.) As a rule, I try not to watch movies that I watched over and over in my younger days. They tend to suck. However, I needed something to watch while dominating the Atlanta Braves with the Washington Nationals and Space Jam was available for streaming on NetFlix. It wasn't awful. It wasn't good, but nobody seems to be taking it too seriously -- especially Bill Murray, who appears to hate every moment... and it's hilarious. I'm gonna go ahead and call his performance career changing. (Broken Flowers would have never happened without Space Jam. Full circle. Boo-yah.)

Anyway, a couple things caught my attention that relate to today's sports world. Many people credit the 2001-2002 New England Patriots as the team that decided to enter the Super Bowl as a team, instead of individuals.

In reality, though, they probably just stole it from the MonStars.

After the ToonSquad, the home team (They just had to enter first. Dicks.), is introduced one-by-one in a lengthy and showy spectacle. The MonStars enter the arena as one. And thoroughly dominate the Toons for the entire first half.

Also, something that has been covered before: The issue of steroids in Space Jam. (That linked guy is obviously taking a tongue-in-cheek approach. This, of course, will be professional journalism.)

Adam Littman of Pitt News focuses on the power source of the MonStars, the "talent" of five NBA players. The tiny inhabitants inject the "talent" and are instantly transformed into basketball super-athletes. But that's not nearly as distressing as what the "good guys" do:

That's right. At the half, Bugs Bunny offers up "Michael's Secret Stuff" as the Toons key to victory. Michael Jordan responds to the early hesitance with "You wanna win or not?" Every character laps it up and wants more. The team comes out of the locker room energized and confident. The audience knows from the beginning that Bugs just presented the others with water in order to improve their self esteem, but the way the Toons willingly "cheat" is disturbing. What are we teaching our 1996 children. "Hey, if a cartoon offers you a secret potion that he says will improve your athletic ability at halftime of some game, take it, as long as the greatest player of that sport approves."

So, to sum things up, Space Jam is directly responsible for the Steroid Era in Major League Baseball. Once you looked, it was obvious.

And, hey, here's Broken Flowers in full. Surely, it can't exceed your expectations! Let's watch:

(Space Jam screencaps are from NetFlix (or maybe just Netflix) Watch Instantly. Thanks!)

Monday, May 25, 2009

Dan Patrick's Monologue Joke Mondays

Wherein I over-analyze the joke at the bottom of Dan Patrick's "Just my Type" page in Sports Illustrated. These jokes are so wonderfully awful, I hope they are supposed to be a parody.

From Last Week’s SI (with a dangerous chalk mist floating in the air)

“Astronauts made repairs to the giant Hubble Space Telescope. Unfortunately, it still can’t find Versus.”

Why It Is Hilarious

The Hubble Space Telescope is used to locate and research objects at extreme distances from Earth. Versus has been notoriously hard for some people to locate on the cable providers. The telescope tried and failed to locate the network on its cable box.

Why It Sucks

Versus’ signal would be traveling via satellite. The signal would be invisible to the telescope. Also, this joke is four years old. Versus is now available on DirecTV, the Dish, and many cable providers.

PS – I hope this never comes off as me hating SI. I like SI. It’s infinitely better than ESPN the Magazine (and thanks to them, SI is Rick Reilly free!). I do hope comes off as me hating Dan Patrick. About ten years ago, Patrick was very good on Sportscenter. Now, he’s arrogant, annoying, and not funny. That’s not fair because I haven’t listened to his radio show since he left ESPN, but I doubt SI gave him a lot of money and he instantly became interesting.

Director Profile: J.J. Abrams

Wherein I rank every widely available, feature-length, film of a specific director of my choosing. I have not seen many directors’ entire filmographies, so this may not be too long of a running feature. But I’m bored and I don’t feel like forming two teams of fictional baseball players. Let’s do somebody easy with only two movies (and I think Harry has seen both of them!). Here’s J.J. Abrams.

He’s got, like, 11 television directorial credits – most of which of I have not seen – so I’m not sure if I feel right about doing this. I can’t accurately judge someone’s film directing abilities based on two features, right? Too bad. I saw Star Trek a week ago and M:i:III about two week ago, so I’m doing this.

First, I’ll do my best to address some of his TV work. I’ve never seen, nor heard anything about Felicity. The only thing I remember about Alias is a teaser that ran during some Super Bowl that featured Jennifer Garner getting out of a pool and removing her bikini top with her back to the camera. So, I guess you could say I’m a huge Alias fan. I am not a huge fan of Lost. A friend burnt me a copy of the first season. I watched the first 15 episodes and couldn’t stand it. Something interesting would happen in one episode and then it would be ignored in the next. I’ve heard great things about later episodes (Questions get answered.) and the show definitely has a devoted audience, but I do not have the patience for it. Also, Abrams directed one episode of The Office in 2007 (season 3, episode 17, “Cocktails”). I didn’t notice anything Abramsy (No, I can’t define that.).

Now, for the stuff I can have an opinion on:

2. Mission: Impossible III
Mission: Impossible III puts me in a tough spot. Can I buy the third part of a trilogy without ever buying the first two? I didn’t love the M:I I or M:I II. I did love this one. There’s something about Philip Seymour Hoffman acting like Tom Cruise acting like Philip Seymour Hoffman. In his review of MI3 (a movie that refuses to be abbreviated), Roger Ebert wrote, “Either you want to see mindless action and computer-generated sequences executed with breakneck speed and technical precision, or you do not.” Sometimes that is exactly what I want.

1. Star Trek
A lot of people have called it “this year’s Iron Man”. That’s fair. Star Trek is a lot of fun. It’s intelligent, funny, and wildly entertaining. It’s also launching careers. Chris Hemsworth, who was James Kirk’s father in the opening scene, has already signed on to play Thor. And Chris Pine proved himself as a charismatic actor, who will surely be in the running for all blockbuster leading roles.

Upcoming Projects
Abrams has been attached to all sorts of stuff. Earlier this year, he, according to IMDb, just finished Anatomy of Hope. An HBO series based on a book by someone named Jerome Groopman. It’s a “medical drama.” I will never see an episode. IMDb lists his next film as Untitled Hunter Scott Project. Hunter Scott’s website will give you most of the information you’ll need, “Combining elements of the past and present, the drama would focus on the 12 year old boy and his relationship with one of the [USS Indianapolis'] survivors, whom he forces to deal with the haunting events of 1945.” Abrams has also been attached to adapt and produce Stephen King’s Dark Tower series since 2007. The books are so popular that no matter how the film turns out people will be disappointed.

Abrams was extensively involved in 2008’s Cloverfield, a movie I like even more than the two listed above. A sequel is said to be in the works for that, as well as (of course) Star Trek. He probably will not direct either film.

Abrams is a genius. He understands what audiences want to see. He knows exactly how to attract audiences to anyhting. Who else could made Star Trek marketable on MTV? I’ve embedded a video at the end of this post. Really, if I had never seen that video, I would not be writing this half-assed “Director Profile”. Watch the video. It is 18 minutes long, but it’s worth the time. Abrams acknowledges and is not afraid of the idea that amateurs are now able to acquire tools comparable to what professionals use. He encourages you to “go make your movie.”